More weirdo things my kids say..

Nyssa, as I’m tucking her into bed, with a very worried look on her face: “Mom, what’s that drug that makes you pee out your life??”

Me: “I, um, to be honest I have no clue what you’re talking about.” I could only guess that we had a discussion on diuretics at some point that totally stuck in her brain in the most paranoid way possible.

***

Nyssa and her little friend were in the bathroom of a cafe that was recently converted from a nightclub, reading the contents listed on a vending machine: “What’s this?? Naughty toys for girls? Handcuffs? Pleasure vibe? Inflatable sheep???”

Little friend, flipping her hair as she leaves: “Yeah, those don’t look fun!”

Nyssa, following suit: “Yeah, *we* won’t go to naughtytoys.com!”

***

Joseph: “Mom, I need new underwear. See, these ones leave marks.” Joseph demonstrates both marks and his total lack of modesty.

Me: “Well, did you want to try boxer shorts this time like you had mentioned a while ago?”

Joseph: “Well, I’m not sure. I was reading that book (referring to the puberty one) and it said that boxer shorts can make erections easier to see. I don’t want to get embarrassed!”

Me, after deep breath: “OK, well, see, you don’t have to worry about that at your age..” At this point I launch into a brief lesson in, uh, proportion and male growth rates and try to tell him quite how small he is right now without messing up his self-concept for the rest of his life.

Joseph brightens up: “Oh, OK Mom! Well, there were these Doctor Who boxers at Next Kids…”

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4 Responses to “More weirdo things my kids say..”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    “I could only guess that we had a discussion on diuretics at some point that totally stuck in her brain in the most paranoid way possible.”

    snort. This girl has got to be the most lovable and hilarious on the planet. Thank you for sharing this laugh today!
    Funny, I was just thinking about exploring the world of puperty books this morning…

    Rasjane

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