We almost avoided the ER this year..

“Mom, take it from someone who knows: I am stupid.” This evening I wearily looked over at Nyssa who was berating herself and asked her what the deal was. This requires some background.

Last night we gave James a brave goodbye for another week, and tried to get on with our evening. The kids got out a new hama beads kit with the intention of making up many little penguins for James. As I do the ironing portion of the craft, I hardly took notice until Nyssa comes up to me with a bloody kleenex wadged up her nose. Apparently it struck her as an enormously necessary experiment in anatomy to stick a hama bead up her nose. I found a flashlight and had a look. I couldn’t see anything. Trying not to groan outwardly, I did the usual webmd.com first aid reference. It became apparent right away that I needed professional help, so I spent the next hour chasing down a nurse on the NHS 24 line. After commiserating with me over the mothering perils inherent in little girls and plastic bits and orifices, she told me to take her along to the ER. We found an atm, found a taxi in front of a bar (living near drunks can be helpful I guess), and then played the triage filtration waiting game at the ER. Finally, after another hour or so, we’re seen by a nice, young lady doctor. She wanted me to perform something I’d only gagged over on the internet–the mother’s kiss. Good god, what I had to do was put my giggling face close to Nyssa’s giggling face, try to get a seal over her mouth and blow forcefully. Somehow she managed to close off her airways because the effect of this was akin to blowing hard into a balloon that you expect to yield easily only to have the stiff rubber cause the air to honk right back into your mouth. Nyssa was kind enough to exclaim that this made her feel sick. Beautiful. So, the doctor confirmed that this was a waste of time and proceeded to look up Nyssa’s nose again. She didn’t see anything, so she went to fetch ‘The Boss’. ‘The Boss’ turned out to be a convivial young irishman who tutted at Nyssa for squirming while he took a turn with the nose probey light whatsit. She responded by saying in her ‘outdoor’ voice, ‘Do you clean that thing after you use it?!’ I snickered. Joseph, meanwhile, had been trying to tell anyone who would listen that the day before had been his birthday and give an itemized list with commentary on his presents. Eventually Nyssa was given the highly reassuring assessment that he was ‘as sure as he could be’ that there wasn’t anything in her nose. I stared at him blankly and he continued sort of lamely about how hama beads wouldn’t show up on an x-ray anyway, and if she has trouble to come back during the morning so an actual nose professional could have a go at her. I quirked an eyebrow and asked him to affirm that we’re not meant to be worried about inhalation…? He hemmed and hawed a bit on that point, but by that time we were tired, we hadn’t had dinner yet, and Nyssa had had her cranial bones poked so much that she was happy to concede that yes the bead probably fell out hours ago so I let it drop. We thanked them for their trouble and coughed up the fare for a taxi home. It could have been a lot worse, of course. The taxi driver on the way to the hospital was good enough to share a delightful story about his son who had to have a rancid piece of sponge extracted from his face, which necessitated a trip to the infirmary in Edinburgh. Yes, at least it wasn’t that. Jeebus.

So back to this evening, and Nyssa getting on her own case, apparently the trouble was that she had got her Barbie’s hair in her soup. Between that and the attempt to bead herself, she had had quite enough with her brain and it’s less than sensible notions. Poor girl.

Today, at least for me, was a marked improvement on yesterday. We got our washer fixed. That is to say, dude showed me where the filter trap is on the stupid Italian machine and de-crudded it. I wonder if that means we’ll be paying for it.

We also got our container-grown fraser fir tree! I love it. The needles are so soft. It sits just behind me here and when I lean back I’m under evergreen branches. It doesn’t get much better, really. We also got a very fragrant wreath. Tomorrow I’m going to get some kumquats, cloves, bay leaves, and pine cones to decorate it with. I McGyvered an excellent door hanger for it out of a copper head massager. Yesss.

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2 Responses to “We almost avoided the ER this year..”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Silly kids. Sounds familiar. We haven’t done anything up the nose yet (knock on wood), but I think M and Jos are just too alike in scary ways.
    Give Nyssa a hug from me and tell her that her aunt thinks she is fantastic.
    And the tree sounds lovely. I hope we get one this year, even though we won’t be here for Christmas.
    A working washer? Cool…

    Aunt S

  2. moknits Says:

    Poor girl! What an ordeal for a phantom bead! Ah well, we all have odd compulsions as kids…part of figuring out our bodies I guess. Cutting hair, eating non-edibles, good times. Tell her that I said to not be too hard on herself. She’s seriously awesome and has a great sense of humour–and now when she’s in college she’ll be able to tell stories about the phantom bead! 🙂 You really do have the best kids ever.

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